Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Robert J. Hanlon

I like this one for diffusing anger. Stupidity is a great explanation but it could equally be any resource that’s lacking – time, focus, phone battery. Whatever way you think about it, it’s a handy shortcut to short circuit negative overthinking.

It’s especially useful when communicating in writing; when tone and intent are harder to interpret.

Texts or emails that haven’t been responded to can trigger anxiety and a river of thoughts about why the person on the other end is ignoring you. Maybe they hate you. Or maybe they just aren’t on top of things.

It’s helpful in other situations too. A car cuts you off in traffic… they are not deliberately putting your life in danger, they’re just not a good driver. Your order is mixed up in a restaurant – they haven’t set out to charge you for food you don’t like, they’re just having a bad night.

This is not just a message of “give people the benefit of the doubt”. It’s an easier version, you’re giving the benefit of the doubt with a side of judgement.

You can prevent a spiral of negative thoughts by inserting one: “Poor guy, he’s not out to get me, he’s just an idiot.”

Rules of thumb keep life simple. Hanlon’s razor helps to give peace of mind… while also getting in a little mental dig – just for you (it doesn’t really work if you say the “stupid” part out loud).

Fundamental attribution error: a close cousin from psychology

The concept is a subset of one from psychology known as the fundamental attribution error. That is where we overemphasise a person’s influence and underplay external factors.

If you’re not comfortable with the use of the razor, this idea removes the edge. You can acknowledge that the person hasn’t annoyed you to annoy you; there is something else going on.

They’re not late because they don’t care about your time. Maybe there was a crash on their way.

It’s not you and it’s not them

Whether it’s Hanlon’s Razor or the fundamental attribution error that you’re comfortable with, bear in mind next time you’re assuming someone is out to get you: Maybe they’re just stupid… or stuck behind someone who is.

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People who’ve said it (or something like it) better than me

To meet the minor negligence and incompetence of others with bafflement and irritation is a flagrant denial of empathy: a stance that denies humanity and grossly underestimates the far greater pain we are likely to exert, in total, upon the world ourselves.

Derren Brown, A Little Happier

We rarely spend a lot of time considering the reasons he or she might not be on their game today, especially if we don’t know them very well. This tendency to attribute others’ weaknesses to character rather than circumstances is something psychologists call the fundamental attribution error.

Caroline Webb, How to Have a Good Day

We usually believe gossip about ourselves to have been inspired by a level of malice far greater [or more critical] than the malice we ourselves felt in relation to the last person we gossiped about, a person whose habits we could mock without this in any way altering our affection for them.

Alain de Botton, How Proust Can Change Your Life

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